While reading an IG post by writer @Alex_elle (one of my favs!) about giving yourself permission to be who you have to be. I got stuck on the sentence :” I give myself permission to cry.”
For the longest I’ve been observing friends and relatives relationship to crying and It always shocked me how the act of crying was a No-No for most of them. Like a deadly sin…
For me it’s the total opposite! Those who know me know I never hesitate to cry when the tears comes up. Off course I dont cry for anything and everything, but I allow myself to cry when I need to. I mostly cry when I’m hurt but I also cry of joy, when I’m praying, and sometimes I shed some tears while watching emotional stuff. And that is completely fine with me.
While my family always accepted my tears and never tried to make me feel bad about expressing my feelings through tears. Many Friends and family members tried to make me feel bad for crying. They tried to make me feel lesss of a person.One of my aunties even told me once: “Strong women dont cry! You need to keep your head up and never cry! Even if its hurting you. Crying doesnt serve any purpose! “And the tone she used to said that would make me want to hide far away as a teenager. Some others said I would never be able to go through my adult life because I was too weak…
What I realized as I grow up, is that my cousin (her daughter) would always keep things bottle up, hide her emotions and end up with a stiff neck, a headache or her blood pressure will be a bit higher for her age. Just like my other friends who were completely against crying, she was holding grudges and had a lot of resentment, even againsf herself.
My cousin even admitted to me that because of her mom she did not know how to cry. That she sometimes felt like crying but did not want to be weak and just did not know how to LET GO…
LET GO: Two small words but so powerful. Letting go.. that is exactly what crying is supposed to be about. Crying is about releasing emotions, wether you judge them to be good or bad. Tears are almost always attached to a feeling .In order to cry you need to allow yourself to feel and not judge your feelings. Feelings are just feelings that’s it.
Off course all feelings do not lead to tears. But actively preventing yourself from crying because of some stupid stereotypes that said STRONG WOMEN DONT CRY and MEN DONT CRY is a problem. It’s adding unnecessary stress and frustration in your life.
This is not me asking people to become cry babies. Nope! This is my asking people to accept themselves more. If crying is your thing, cry when you feel like it. If it’s not your thing then be it! But do not let society (family included!) dictate how you express your feelings and your pain. Learn to listen to yourself and respond positively to It.
Remember Crying does not add or remove any value to your worth. It doesnt make you any stronger or any weaker. Crying is just a NATURAL response to an emotional state or physical pain. That’s it, that’s all.
So just go and cry in peace.” Its Ok, even the sky cries sometimes!”
Thinking with Lely 