Live with boundaries

With my desire to be more intentional this year, I feel that maintaining healthy boundaries will be crucial. If you know me you know I always talk about respecting boundaries. But after many questions from some friends, I’ll try to do my best to explain boundaries down below. I personally think your boundaries starts with you and end with others.

YOU

Your boundaries are your values. They are what makes you YOU and you should not apologize for them. People (us included) tend to take everything personally. However not all of us like the same things nor have the same pet peeves. Boundaries really does have to do with our limits and pet peeves.

First thing when setting boundaries is to ask ourselves: “Based on who we are, what are the things we don’t like/can’t stand?” Our answer to that question should be independant of any other persons opinion or feelings. It’s about us. And when we listen to the emotional reaction we have to a situation a behavior, we can decide on boundaries.

Once our boundaries are set, we need to communicate them to others. We can’t just be sitting there getting mad at people when they push our boundaries if we did not tell them in the first place! You don’t like people to touch your hair, say it! You don’t like to be called ” honey” say it! You don’t like sharing about your private life with groups of people say it! Just voice it out. Off course we’re not going to be rude about it. There are polite respectful ways to do it.

We also need to respect our own boudaries. We should not be saying something and acting differently. Once we respect our boundaries others will respect them also as they will know there are consequences to pushing them. As simple as that.

OTHERS

Others have to respect your boundaries. PERIOD. If they don’t they simply have no respect for you. However you should know a lot of ppl will not respect them. You have to accept that and move on.

Others should not make you feel guilty about your boundaries or anything else as a matter of fact. You are responsible of your feelings and they are responsible for theirs. If your boundaries dont suit them they should move on. Its not your job to make people happy.

Others should not be mad if you say NO to something. You have the right to say No without explaining yourself. Others don’t have to agree with your NO but they have to respect it.

Finally you can’t change others. Just like your friends/family/ acquaintances accept you and your boundaries you should do the same. We all have a mix of rigid, not so rigid and healthy boundaries, and there is a valid reason behind each one of them. So again

Here are some basic boundaries I believe will make everyone’s life more peaceful:

– Take care of yourself

– Say No when you dont want to Or can’t afford to

– Voice your opinion

– Accept responsibility for your actions and your actions only

– Admit your mistakes and apologize for them

– Don’t be too quick to judge and be understanding

– Don’t tolerate abuse of any sort: physical, emotional, verbal.

– cut off toxic people if you can’t solve the problems you have with them

– Remove yourself from uncomfortable/ unhealthy situation

– Don’t try to change people

There are much more boundaries that are personnal to each individual. We just need to formulate them according to our needs. In the meantime I hope these ones can serve as a guide to some of you who want to set some boundaries!

Peace!