What exactly is wrong with some of us women who think it’s ok to body shame others, specially our friends and family? Im not saying its ok for others to body shame other people but there is something more petty ,mean and hurtful when body shaming Comes from your so called love ones!
This week only I witnessed so many cases of direct and indirect body shaming, and I had to comfort so many friends and family that I thought it was important for me to put my frustration into writing.
1st : I’m hanging out with my best-friend at our dance studio and one of the women as soon as she walked in and saw my best friend went :
” OMG! You F**ing fat now! Last time I saw you, you were not that Fat! You need to go on a diet girl! You need to go to the gym!”
I was Shocked and upset! And watching my friend’s face go from disbelief, to a mix of hurt and pain, then anger, hurt me the most. I was pissed to the core of my soul, and seing my friend this sad was killing me. She silently begged me with her eyes not to respond to that lady. So I did not. But God knows I wanted to share some pieces of my mind with her!
2nd : We’re at the grocery store my girlfriend and I. We encouter someone we know. After the usual greeting ceremony she goes: ” I hope the bacon on the cart is for you(me), she (my friend) can’t eat bacon. She’ll gain more weight and I dont think she can afford to gain more weight! Don’t you agree with me?”
Again how do you say that??? This time my friend replied :” I don’t see why this is any of your business. I eat what I want. I have no issues with my size so I dont know why it should be a problem with you”
The lady was surprised but pretended to brush it off by saying ” you’re always agressive when ppl try to give you advice. Anyway I gotta go”.
I was so proud of my friend for standing up for herself!
3rd : Im visisting my aunt I have not seen for 3 months. Here is how she greeted me: ” Oh no! You lost weight again! You’re too thin! Your husband will leave you for a woman with meat on her bones. I’m not asking you to be fat like your cousin but at least gain some weight. I think you could help each other, she’ll give you some fat and you’ll tell her how you loose weight”
Was I shocked? Nope! Because she always make negative comments about people’s looks. But I did politely told her to learn what to say and mind her business.
See,We cant be walking around being rude and mean to people because of their weight. Yes I know obesity and eating disorders are real and we need to treat our bodies with love and feed it health. So no I’m not encouraging people to eat bad and become overweight!
Women go through a lot with their bodies, stress, hormonal imbalance, diabetes, water retention, side effects of medicines, post-partum, and so on. Some others might dont know how to eat healthy, and some just like to eat. We just don’t know someone’s situation. Even if we are close to them we might not know what they are going through personally. So we can’t be sitting there judging their weight and their lives.
Women are also shamed for other parts of their bodies, their height, their boobs, their legs, their muscles, their hair, ect. People tell them the the most awful things!
” you’re too tall for a woman;
how are you gonna breast feed if you have no breast!;
you’re legs are so skinny they look like chop sticks!;
are you trying to become a man? You look ugly with those muscles;
Your Hair is too Nappy to wear it out!
What I’m saying is, WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE SOMEONE??? Now, With that out of the way, if you wanna help someone you love ( so not a stranger!) with their weight or any personal issue. There is a way and time for these comments. Your comments and your tone have to come from a place of love. Your words have to be chosen carefully. But also you don’t have to say anything. Maybe it’s not your place to do it. Silence could be your best friend because your words might cause more damage than they help. They could cause depression, eating disorders, social anxiety, low self-esteem…
So please next time you have an opinion about someone’s weight or any of their physical attributions ask yourself if you would have appreciate this person’s opinion about yours or one of your loved one!
And Btw, if you didnt know most women are super self conscious of their weight and we already put enough pressure on ourselves to look good! So most likely your comments wil not be welcomed.
Again, Please just Check yourself before anything crazy and hurtful come out of your mouth!
Anpil lanmou pou nou!